Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
