So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
