chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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