Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
