but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
