I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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