his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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