well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
