That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
