my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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