my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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