the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
