Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
