i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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