you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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