Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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