I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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