she was so not down for the gang bang
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
