its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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