so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
