well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
