Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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