i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
