Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
