i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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