At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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