I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
