Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
