Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
