I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
