He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
