So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
