I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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