I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
