Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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