WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
