Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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