I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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