I got chris browned last night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
