someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
