She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
