Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
