Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
