i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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