is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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