hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
