I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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