Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
