I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I FOUND THE LEGS
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
