Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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