cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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