i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
