ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
