weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
