Welp...herpes.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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