don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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