I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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