I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
